The worst sort of day happened yesterday. I was cruising along feeling pretty confident and WHAM! I get hit with this strange mixture of sadness, anxiety, panic, and racing thoughts. It was this giant wall and it came out of no where. I took my anti anxiety meds, they didn’t help. I tried mindfulness breathing exercises. Nothing. I hadn’t felt that way since the last time I ended up in the hospital and it scared the crap out of me. 

This morning feels a little better. I still feel like I want to pace grooves into the floor but I’m just trying keep practicing mindfulness and get on the other side of this thing. 

I wish I knew why these moments hit me so hard. My psychiatrist says I have major depressive disorder but I swear it’s more than that.