Creating Something Better?

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I would love to know how to start over and create something better. I feel like I have been skirting by with just the bare minimums. I have been seeing my doctor, taking my meds, going to support groups, and all I feel is bitter that nothing seems to be working. I just know that I can feel better than this. I know it.

I was thinking maybe I need to see a therapist rather than a psychologist for awhile. I think I need to do more reading online and advocate for myself more. I just don’t know where to start. I feel so lost and I’m worried I’ll become complacent with the way things are and I just can’t let that happen.

I would love a sunshiny life and I hate to think that they just don’t exist.

 

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I would love to start over and create something better but I have no idea how. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I’ve been to support groups, been seeing the same psychologist for years now, and taking my meds religiously. I had hoped that would have been the gateway into a sunshiny life but some how I am falling short.

Been thinking maybe I need a therapist instead of psychologist. I’m thinking I need to do more reading and advocate for myself more. Maybe I need to do all of the above. But where do I go from here? I wish there was some kind of website I could start with.

I worried I’m becoming complacent with the way things are and I can’t afford to do that. I still feel like I could do better. I just have to find a way.

If there IS a way…

 

Not today


I was supposed to meet with my psychiatrist today but I just can’t bring myself to do it. There’s less and less to talk about and I feel like a broken record anyway. And I get the feeling I’ve come as far as I can go with this person. We’ve tried every drug on the market, mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy…seems like the works. I have learned a lot so it’s not for nothing but I don’t feel 100% and I don’t think I ever will. Which is heart breaking for me. This probably the best I will ever feel and it ain’t that great.