Calming down 

I’m feeling a little more balanced today. I think it’s because I took my meds early before even getting to work but the problem I’m running into is that they don’t last the day. Like now I’m starting to feel anxious and it’s only been about 5 hours. That’s not so bad I guess. Time to dose up again though I’m not supposed to. I’ll just take one more and hope that lets me slide through the day. Not sure what else to do. 

I also made an appointment to see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I don’t know what I expect her to say or do. She doesn’t seem to have the answers I’m looking for and the medication helps but it doesn’t fill all the gaps. 

It all seems so pointless. 


Creating Something Better?

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I would love to know how to start over and create something better. I feel like I have been skirting by with just the bare minimums. I have been seeing my doctor, taking my meds, going to support groups, and all I feel is bitter that nothing seems to be working. I just know that I can feel better than this. I know it.

I was thinking maybe I need to see a therapist rather than a psychologist for awhile. I think I need to do more reading online and advocate for myself more. I just don’t know where to start. I feel so lost and I’m worried I’ll become complacent with the way things are and I just can’t let that happen.

I would love a sunshiny life and I hate to think that they just don’t exist.