Better today 


Feeling ok today. At least on par with yesterday. Did the trick of taking two anti anxiety pills before even getting to work again. That seems to help. 

I also have been trying to keep myself busy with crochet still. Finished this frog hat and I’m pretty pleased with it. 

Doctor appointment is today and for reason I’m nervous. I think I’ll ask about some reading material or websites where I can explore and read up on what’s going on with me. I just feel like I’ve hit this plateau and the only movement further is going to come through some personal effort of mine. I wish I knew what to do. 

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Crash coming…


I should have titled this blog “Trapped in the ladies room” because that’s where I seem to be spending the most of my time these days. 

I’m doing a lot of self talk. Trying to bring myself down from ledge. I feel like a crash is coming. I’m trying to avoid it. I started crocheting again, doing mindfulness meditations, writing here…but I still feel myself falling downward. I feel depressed and overly anxious. Spread a little too thin emotionally. I’m not sure what to do. 

I’m at work today, trying to push through, wishing there was some way to fix this. I want to make it through. I just don’t know if I can. 

Where I spent my day


So much anxiety today. I hid most of the day in the ladies toilet at work barely being productive. Told people I had tummy issues but really I couldn’t bare to face people. I put on my brave face when I could and interacted…it wasn’t easy. 

But I guess I should focus on the positive and say at least I made it through the day. Maybe tomorrow will be better. 

Anxiety emerges


I’m breathing heavily and I know a panic attack is coming on. All I’m doing is eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. But there it is. My old enemy, anxiety. I need to go to work. I have to be present. My job isn’t hard but I fear it. I feel like a huge imposter. I’m slow, dull, and incompetent. And I’m just waiting for them to find out. It’s just a matter of time and it’s killing me.